“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying.”
Here it is, April 6th, 2013. The events of the past few months are still fresh in my mind, but not in my daily vocabulary. I find myself talking about my Dad in the past tense and not welling up with tears. I am able to share stories about my Dad and not choke up with sorrow. Time is passing quickly and I am slowly healing the best I can.
It is funny the stupid things that remind me of him. I'm a huge person that smells can trigger memories with me. The two places that are difficult for me to still be around are Dad's shop and Dad's truck. Both smell just as they did before. Just like the always did. I found myself smelling all his cologne in the shop bathroom one day so I could just savor that memory. Stupid, right? I still say, "goodbye" to Dad every time I close the shop door and lock the building. It is habit and it is comforting in a small way.
Everything is different. Birthday parties, Easter, and my parents wedding anniversary last week. I still cannot believe it is all over. When I visit the cemetery, it is like a dream. I leave dimes every time I visit hoping I will get it returned when I'm having "a moment." I could use one right now.
I have learned a lot about life in one year. I have learned that true friends will always have your back no matter what. I have learned that it is okay to cry in front of others. I have learned that you can't hide who you really are and that sometimes others find out what you stand for, they may walk away from you. I have learned that quality people in your life are better than quantity. And, at the end of the day, our life plan in unpredictable. My heart still breaks, but I know the only thing that stays the same is that everything changes.
Tears In Heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven
