Breath of Heaven

"Happiness"

Little moments can make a big difference in someone's life.  Just this evening, while putting Brad to sleep, I had one of those moments.  As I rocked him in my arms, his lullaby CD started playing, "Breath of Heaven."  I started singing along to the CD and a TON of emotions broadsided me at once. As I looked into Brad's eyes, I couldn't stop thinking about that little blessing in my arms.  The child I was told I may not be able to have.  The child, that while I was pregnant, made me so violently ill I was hospitalized several times.  The child that really my extended family has called, "Happiness" during a time in our life filled with a lot of sadness.

As I sang, he kept smiling and putting his hands around my face.  I started to pray and thank God over and over for Him putting this little boy in my life.  

The lyrics of the song really inspire me to know that Mary had the same thoughts as most of us Mothers do everyday.  I pray that God will continue to guide me and show me that the smallest of moments are sometimes the most important.  And also, that when you are moving so fast in life, you often miss them.  

I am thankful for my little Breath of Heaven or should I say, Breath of Happiness.

Breath of Heaven

I have traveled many moonless nights,

Cold and weary with a babe inside,And i wonder what i've done.Holy father you have come,And chosen me now to carry your son.I am waiting in a silent prayer.I am frightened by the load i bear.In a world as cold as stone,Must i walk this path alone?Be with me now.Be with me now.Breath of heaven,Hold me together,Be forever near me,Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven,Lighten my darkness,Pour over me your holiness,For you are holy.Breath of heaven.Do you wonder as you watch my face,If a wiser one should have had my place,But i offer all i amFor the mercy of your plan.Help me be strong.Help me be.Help me.Breath of heaven,Hold me together,Be forever near me,Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven,Lighten my darkness,Pour over me your holiness,For you are holy.Breath of heaven,Hold me together,Be forever near me,Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven,Lighten my darkness,Pour over me your holiness,For you are holy.Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven.

Be Patient, God Isn't Finished With Me Yet....

Last year, Grandma Ruley gave us a magnet that read, "Be Patient, God isn't finished with me yet."  I wrote about it in a previous blog.  This magnet is on my fridge and I read it everyday when I'm getting anything out of the fridge.  Today was the first day I read it and became a little angry.

Be patient?  I have to admit as a spiritual person, I'm angry and impatient.  I don't understand and I cannot ever comprehend what has transpired over the course of the last 7 months in my life.  I will continue to pray for comfort, understanding, and peace with all that has happened.  There has been good, but the bad definitely has overshadowed it all.  I just said to a friend last week, jokingly, it can't get worse.  Well, yes it can.  How can we be so unlucky?  But then, I Jekel and Hyde.....

On the flip side, through everything has come stronger bonds with many family members, closer friendships with many of our friends, and the knowledge of knowing that you cannot control your destiny.  We are not invincible.  Grandma Ruley's words, "faith, family, friends, and don't forget to laugh" often come to mind in my daily life.  I'm surrounded in my house by relics of all of my family that has now passed.  Simple things remind me that we are only small in this world and that we take nothing with us when we go.

I will say it again, as I have said before, life is unpredictable.  Just when you think you know, you don't.  Cherish every moment.  Even the moments when people around you drive you crazy.  You never know what tomorrow holds.

Four in Four Months...

My Grandma, Lorna, said that the key to life is: faith, family, friends, and don't forget to laugh.
As a look at this picture, I can't help but smile and cry at the same time.  I know that God works in mysterious ways, but I never imagined that in four months, I would loose four people in this picture. I also never realized how lucky my daughter is to have known all of them and the impact it would have on her little five-year-old mind.  Nothing can compare to a five-year-old drawing her Great-Grandparents and her saying the little girl in the picture is her and she is crying because she misses them.  She also asked me why they all had to go to Heaven at the same time. These are the questions Mom's really have to be creative.  My only response was, "true love is stronger than death.  They all missed each-other and wanted to live in Heaven with Jesus."  My daughter then told me that, "when you go to Heaven, Mommy, I'm going to cry a lot."  There are NO words to describe the feeling those words gave me.  None.  It was truly a moment I will cherish and pray about the rest of my life.  I hope that I can live as an example for Christ for my daughter and son.  I have high hopes because I know that the four people in this photo were great examples of true faith, true love, and family first.

People keep asking me, "how are you doing?"  They give their condolences and sympathy.  Others, some whom I have known for years, say nothing and continue in their busy lives.  Well, I'm going to give you all my answer.  It may be offensive, and some may laugh at me later, but really, I don't care one bit.  There is only one judge, and I know I'm not offending Him.

I'm doing amazing and feel overwhelmingly blessed.  I haven't lost 50 pounds, I haven't ran a marathon, I haven't climbed a mountain, or I haven't bought a new house.  But I will tell you, that I found my faith, I have witnessed death, I have seen the power of Christ first-hand, and I have had some precious moments with my amazing family.  Those are things and moments that no one can take from me.  I guess my question for everyone back is, "how are you doing?"

My only advice is, cherish every moment you have with the ones you love.  You never know when your last moments with them will be.

First there were four, then there were none...

There is a lot I could write on this post, but I have decided that it would be to difficult to put into words 2012.  I think it is better to sum it up in months.
February- Grandma Lorna passed
March- Grandma Nellie passed
April- Grandpa Joe passed
May- Grandpa Carlyle passed

Surreal isn't it?

Let's add the crazy.... all of them passed almost 2 months to the day of their spouse.

The best part..... I know they are all in Heaven, together.

I can only hope I make my life as amazing as these four did.

Future Unknown

There are many times during your life that are frustrating.  It may be situations that you are in with your job, things at home, your children, or just people making you mad in general.  After a very long week, I often think about the path that led me to 2012.  I have lived around the world, loved and lost, loved and lived, had to wonderful children, turned 30, and am now a principal of a school.  I NEVER would have imagined this as my path 10 years ago.
Tonight on my drive home from the 6th grade retreat, I was pondering the thought of being created in God's image.  Within the creation of love was a plan for me.  I don't know exactly what the next year will hold for me, but I'm okay with letting God guide me.  I can't say that I have enjoyed everything along the path this year, but I know that along every road are bumps.  Some are little pebbles and some are big ass potholes! 
Where ever He may lead me.......I will go.  I will accept.   I will let go and let God. 
I know, I am not perfect.  I make mistakes and am in a position that every move I made is under a microscope.  My professors always told me that being a principal will be a lonely job.  You will have the weight on your shoulders and some days, someone will throw you 5 more pounds to see if you can handle it and then laugh when you fall.
Well, I have news for everyone who doesn't know me..... I have God on my side.  I'm not afraid of harsh words, I'm not afraid to do what is best for my school and the children in it, I'm not afraid to ask difficult questions, because I have God on my side.  I wouldn't be here if it wasn't part of the plan.  I'm not afraid of a challenge and I'm not afraid to put the time and effort into anything that is an investment in my family, my school, and faith community. 
So next time you try and knock me down, remember who's on my side.  Veggie Tales always said, "God is bigger than the boogie man....."

Nothing to say...

I guess the title of this blog is a big fat lie.  I do have a lot I would like to say, but there are really no words to describe the last two months in my life.  I have seen life in all stages and can clearly see that life is so short and such a mystery.  All you can do is enjoy the ride and surround yourself with loving, caring people.

I'm not angry that God decided to call home three special people in my life in such a short time.  I'm a person that tries to look at the glass half full.  I figure I have two options:  get busy living or get busy dying.  I chose to live until it is my time to go.  I learned that from the three people that were all ready called home.

Grandma Ruley-  I have NEVER in my whole life met a woman who knew what she wanted and had the personality and the grace to go after it.  Even when she found out that she only had weeks, the rule was "no tears."  It was telling family to cherish each other and put faith and family first.  Although, I only knew her since I have been with my husband, she never treated me as anything but family.  She could talk on the phone for hours, and loved to plan a party.  Tomorrow will be the two month anniversary of her journey home. 

Grandpa Ruley passed away today.  Two months was the longest they had ever been without each other.  We joked that Grandma needed someone to boss around in Heaven.  What a great, fun guy.  I see a lot of Grandma Joe's character traits when I look at my husband.  I always knew that he was proud of Adam and he always had the GREATEST sense of humor.  We just celebrated his 87th birthday last Sunday, complete with fried chicken and polka in Oxford Junction.  If there is one thing we loved about Grandpa, it was his stash of Juicy Fruit and his obsession with Betty Boop.  My son has his trait of always having his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth when he's thinking.  It will remind me of him everyday. 

Grandma Nellie Stender was my Grandma.  She passed on March 25th of this year, too.  There is a lot I could say about that day, but I cannot put into words the experience from that day.  I will cherish her final days and our final words to each other for the rest of my life.  It is a personal experience that made me really step back and look at everything I have and my own journey with my faith and family.  I miss her so much.  I still look at the empty bed when I visit Grandpa at the care center and it seems surreal. 

A lot of people would be angry if they lost so many people in a short time.  I cannot be angry.  It is humbling to know that life is really not in your control.  We must cherish every moment we walk on this earth.  My advice to everyone: make time for the ones you love.  You can't get time back.  There is not time to be angry.  Celebrate, laugh, and live, because you never know when you or someone you love will get the call "home." 

Cue Alanis Morrisette, "Isn't it ironic, don't cha think?"

 Today, while I was giving Brad a bath in the sink, he grabbed a magnet off the refrigerator.  It fell to the floor and broke in several pieces.  My husband and I were sad because Grandma Ruley, who passed away recently, gave it to Mia on her birthday last year.  I super glued it back together and everything was okay.  So I thought!!!

Three hours later I bumped it while putting away dishes and it fell off and broke, again!  This time it stayed together where I glued it earlier and broke everywhere else.

The magnet says, "Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet."  Ironic?????  I think not. 

Double Stuff Sunday

Every other Sunday night, I have a pleasure of hosting youth group in my home.  I have to tell you that it is the highlight of my Sundays.  I LOVE their ideas, thoughts on life, and listening to their stories from the trenches of high school life.  They are an inspiration to their peers and to me.  They make me think WAY harder about my own faith with their questions sometimes than I do on my own. 

Today, I prepared a talk about comparing high school to the creme center of an Oreo cookie.  On the one side, you have the cookie childhood.  The time when you are building a scaffolding of who you are and listening to others, watching others, and learning about the gifts and talents that God gave you.  On the other end of the Oreo, you have adulthood.  It sits on top, filled with priorities and responsibilities.  The completes the cookie.  You wouldn't have an Oreo without the top and the bottom cookie.

Then you have the creme center!  THE BEST PART! (in my opinion of the cookie)  In life, you have high school and your twenties.  This evening, we used double stuff Oreos for this purpose.  All of them are in the first creme layer of their life.  The time when they get to be different than the hard cookie exterior, and really dare to be different.  It is the time of their life that they will never forget, and like eating an Oreo, the time (those of us who are finished with that stage) sometimes choose to go for first when eating! 

As a person in the process of making the top of my Oreo life, I think back to all the creme center I experienced and am thankful for all of it.  The bad choices, the mistakes, the friends that I lost contact with, the friends still in my life, the trouble I got in to.  I can't change it.  I had to learn from it.  It is hard to believe that life moves this quickly.  I think that Ferris Bueller had it right; you have to stop and look around one in awhile or you'll miss it. 

At the end of the talk, we discussed who we wanted to be.  And if we felt, "free" to be yourself.  We listened to the song "Free to be Me" and discussed the lyrics.  One of the lyrics really struck me.  "I try to put the pieces together, but perfection is my enemy."  I am not perfect my any means!  Sometimes I feel that striving for perfection is my biggest downfall.  I know that God already has great plans for me (Eph 2:10- For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them) and that I need to trust in Him.  The best lyric in the song, "On my own I'm so clumsy, but on Your shoulders I can see.  I'm free to be me."  LOVE IT!  Matthew 28:20- And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.  Love unending.

Our closer, was to take your name and write one word for each letter that you wanted people to know about you.  It was challenge.  Have you ever thought about what you think of yourself and then how others perceive you?  If you had to wear a billboard on a street with all of your strengths and flaws exposed, could you do it?  Jesus was betrayed, persecuted, beaten, and crucified for being himself.  He never complained about God's plan for him.  He died for all of our imperfections.  Amazing.  His death allowed me to live all the parts of my Oreo life, and it allows me to be "free to be me."

I thank God this evening for including this amazing experience with the youth in my plan.  They help me encounter Christ in a different way every time we meet.  They make me a better person by being able to walk in Christ's footsteps and share His word.  :)

AMEN!

What is scarier than being in the dark?

So, this evening I decided to take my camera and go take pictures of the beautiful moon.  As I was driving out of town, I began thinking about all the craziness in the world and was excited to just spend a few minutes in God's creation.  I drove the mini-van out to the "middle of nowhere," meaning no city light would effect the pictures.  Out on some gravel east of Maquoketa, I pulled my van over and began to get the tripod ready.  I nice song came on the radio and I turned it up to listen, reflect, and just enjoy my 10 minutes of God's beauty.

Okay, I may be over 30, but being out in the middle of nowhere, in the dark, during a full moon, is still scary.  But, I talked myself up and turned my headlights off to make sure they didn't get in the way of my pictures.

I stepped out of the van and began to set up the tripod for pictures.  I just reveled in the beauty of that moon!  WOW!  With all the talk of crazy solar storms and the Mayan Calendar crap on the news, I just wanted to chill and enjoy it.  That is when it got REALLY SCARY!

About this time, a DAMN DOG comes barking and running out of the field next me!  You talk about getting the crap scared out of you!  I almost thought I peed myself.  Luckily, I was far enough away to get in the van without injury or assault.  Moral of the story:  When taking pictures in the dark, bring extra underwear and a flashlight!

I don't need a broom, I have a 9 month old...

The title of this blog says it all!  I don't care how much I sweep or mop, Brad will find anything and everything to put in his mouth!  (He even found my office chair while writing this entry.)  From stickers to dog food, who knows what this child has eaten!  I have to say that boys, in my experience, are WAY more active than girls.  Mia ate things off the floor, but Brad will occasionally be caught licking the floor!    He must get that from his Dad!  Even though he is full of mischief, that little smile that he does when I catch in doing something naughty melts my heart.  I hope it isn't that cute when he's 16 coming home after curfew!  He may have me wrapped around his little finger.

Cue Golden Girls Theme Song...

Do you ever have something on your mind and need to just tell someone other than a significant other? Those random, quirky things that no one else would understand? Who do you call? Not ghostbusters! You call your best friend! I was thinking about my bestie today. I'm so lucky to have her in my life. We have been friends since we were 14 and have stayed friends through thick and thin. She is amazing. Before I had kids, I would love to hang with her family and watch her with her kids. She is one of the most organized, funny, and level-headed Moms I know. She is always "that Mom" with the cool craft ideas, the word wall in her kitchen, and doing it all with a smile on her face. Even though we can't cruise the Wyoming loop til midnight anymore, without getting sitter, I still look forward to out late night texts, random Facebook posts, and seeing her every Tuesday and Thursday at preschool. Even though we are now over thirty, it is still common for us to drink a few on a summer night and then jump on the large trampoline in her backyard until we crash into each other and fall down laughing We have also talked through an entire night sitting next to her bonfire pit while our husbands wonder if we are even going to return home! Have you ever take a golf card ride in the pitch dark woods,with just a flashlight to guide the way, looking for the Brair Witch? We are pros! Good times and good ideas that only Boones Farm can give you! Sometimes when I'm driving around town, I see the older ladies in town taking their daily walks. I'm not envisioning my BFF and I just walking around town quietly. We will be the two old ladies randomly waving at people while riding our motorized scooters. We will be racing and laughing so hard while driving, that people may ask why we are allowed outside alone, without our children's permission! So BFF,this blogs for you! Thanks for all the fun. I look forward to all the trouble we will get into in the future. Don't ever change. Bffaeaewysyktshiwsly! (secret BFF code)

Miss Independent

Poor Mia!  Her original blog post got deleted some how!  I'm sure it was total human (Mother!) error.  I'm still learning this blog thing!

Anyway, shout out to my little girl who will be during 5 in the coming weeks!  I can't believe we have been so blessed with such a beautiful little girl!  Love you, Mia! 

Sometimes music says it best...

Simple Man- Lynyrd Skynyrd

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day

Oh, take your time don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass
Go find a woman you'll find love
And don't forget son there is someone up above

And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can? Oh yes, I will

Boy, don't you worry you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?

Baby be a simple, be a simple man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man

Shinedown's version-  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgFQ6WmxdMs&ob=av2n

A purse by any other name is still just a purse...

So, today's blog takes on the racy issue of "materialism."  I was thinking about this today while driving home from bible study.   During the study, we discussed how difficult it is today to be Christian in a very material world. (Didn't Madonna sing this?)  If you say you are Christian, many times you are judged harshly or looked at as a "bible beater."  I shared that I used to be scared to use Jesus as an example and to share my faith because I was afraid that I many be judged.  It was terrifying to say, "I believe" and more scary to ask, "do you?"   I know everyone, including myself, have done things because it was "cool" or bought something because it would be a status symbol.  As an adult, we want a new home, nice car, great retirement investment, and a college fund for our children. 

In the Ruley house, we are "smart shoppers."  I'm not afraid of Goodwill Stores, consignment stores, or a garage sale.  On the way back from a meeting in Des Moines a few weeks ago, I stopped in Williamsburg at the outlet mall.  I have never been in a Coach store in my entire life.  It seems everyone I know has a Coach purse, so being the follower, I went in the store to see what was there.  As I walked in the store, I could tell that this little Baldwin girl was WAY out her league.  I made my way to the clearance racks and picked up a purse that caught my eye.  $150.  If you know me, you know I'm rather blunt and I use humor in strange places.  I carefully put the purse down and began hypothesizing what size of purse would fit in my $20-$30 dollar purse splurge category.  My eyes were drawn to a table with a $20 sign over it.  I walked up to the table and looked down...  There it was, the Coach purse in my price range!  It was a cell phone purse smaller than the size of my hand.  Seriously!  I began to think of all of the things I could buy for just one Coach purse.  A wave of guilt swept over me.  Why am I in here?  This is not who I am or what I stand for.  Don't get me wrong, if you are a "Coach carrier," I'm not judging.  I just can't understand what the big deal is about spending over $100 on a purse!  If the purse also baby sat my children and could cook a 4 course meal, then I would be interested!  A purse by any other name is still a purse.  It does everything a Coach purse does, it just doesn't say Coach on it. 

Bottom line.  Money can't buy you happiness.  Things can't make you happy.  You have to find happiness in yourself.  I know that many times I feel judged by others because I don't live in a new house, I don't drive a new car, and I'm not a part of the upper class.   I don't have cable and I shop at Aldi's.  But, I'm happy.  I'm thankful for two healthy children, a wonderful husband, a faith-filled job, and the 10 purses I own that cost me $10 a piece! ;)  I'm not here to please anyone or buy into a life that I can't afford.  I don't need to prove myself to anyone who feels they are above my station.  There is only one judge and He won't be judging me on what I'm wearing on the outside.  Heaven is free.  It is the ultimate deal.  Faith is free and the ultimate accessory that I wear everyday.  It may not always be fashionable, but it is very comfortable in my life. 

Where the journey began..

I don't know why, but today I had a million thoughts running through my mind.  Do you ever have those days?  Every time I would get sad thinking about something, this little boy would do something to make me smile.  Now, I'm a little biased, but he is stinkin cute!  Sometimes I need to step back and realize everything that is going right, and not everything that is going wrong.  That is how I begin my blog this evening.

I have been thinking a lot about God's plan for me this year.  I graduated from graduate school at Drake in May of 2010.  In July, I accepted an Administration job.  I left my dream job and became the youngest principal in the Archdiocese of Dubuque.  I was younger than 90% of my staff!

My first year as a Principal was like riding a roller coaster.  So much good with so much scary.  However, intermixed within everything, I started to see how important me taking that job was to my family.  When I was a music teacher, I never realized how much time I spent away from home.  I was gone several evenings a week til after 10:00 p.m. and then was gone on the weekends during show choir season and other schedule commitments.  I was so consumed with my job, that I lost touch with my own family.  I realized this during my last year of teaching when my daughter, Mia, preferred to hang out with my husband when I was home.  I remember the day I "thought" I was making her favorite lunch, but to my surprise, I didn't even know what her favorite food was!  I didn't even know my own kid.

Two years later, I can see the impact my job has on my family.  I'm home more, I drive less, and I'm 100% committed to the school I am a part of.  I see my daughter several times a day. (Even when she's sent to the office!)  I get hugs from little children everyday, I love my faculty and staff, and I have never felt so close to God in my life.  I guess sometimes when God closes a door, he does open a window.
Revelations 3:20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

God was always there at the door, I was just so consumed by myself that I didn't hear him knocking.  I can hear him knocking now and have opened the door.  I trust in his plan.

White-out conditions, Snickers, and installing Adobe...

In my last post I stated that in the average day, adults make around 35,000 decisions.  Today, installing Adobe on a computer in our building, took up about 34,000 of those!

One of the many hats that I wear every day is technology person.  The teachers do great job of problem solving, but if they or another "techie" teacher in the building can't figure it out, they will ask me for help.  You would think that installing Adobe should be easy.  WRONG!  I'm sure it was the computer and not the computer user (me) that made it more difficult! :)  But after waiting 30 minutes for the darn thing to download, we now have Adobe in the lunchroom.  Now if only I could get the new computer to connect to the network printer......  Maybe next week.

One of my other favorite things about my job is when there is bad weather.  I do not make the decision to get out of school early.  As a private school, we are reliant on the public school to make that call and then let us know.  I don't know how many times I get e-mails or phone calls about, "is school going to get out early?"  I have to respond, "I don't know."  Then I usually get an ear full about how bad the roads are and that it is a safety concern.  Just smile and nod is my motto.

Lastly, Alanis Morrisette says, "Isn't it ironic?"  Ironic moment of the day:  Snickers, the school's guinea pig, passed away two weeks ago.  He was the Ruley family guinea pig until last year.  Snickers cost me $35.00 when I purchased him.  Snicker's final medical expenses came in the mail today:  $40.  Ironic?
RIP Snickers.

You make 35,000 a day...

I just had a conversation on Sunday, with my youth group, about the fact that you make around 3000 decisions per day.  So, today I Googled, "how many decisions to adults make in a day?"  Answer:  35,000.  I was a little off, but now I feel WAY stressed out how many decisions I make in one day.  As a Principal, I should take that number and multiply it by 2!
Sometimes it's the little decisions that make a big difference.  In my day to day life, I find that the simple conversations that I have with my students are the highlights of my day.  For example, while walking around the school yesterday, I received 5 hugs, several high fives, and lots of smiles.  One little decision, to leave my office and adventure into the classrooms, turned into a positive part of my day.  Kids are one of God's greatest creations!

I'm still stumped on the 35,000 decisions a day.  Can you believe that!!!???  During youth group, I also gave a speech on freewill and choice.  God created us to love and to be loved.  His ultimate gift was freewill.  Did He realize, that in one day, we have 35,000 different ways our life could go?  I can't even decide what to wear everyday!  I'm sure 1000 of my choices are spent on just that small task alone.

A day with Hello Kitty and a sled...

I finally have created a personal blog.  Who knows how many people out there actually want to follow my life!  I can tell you that it is NEVER dull.  Today I'm home with a "sick" kid.  I say "sick," because she threw-up once and now is running around the house in a ballerina tutu.  When I brought her some toast, she had created a "sick bed" in front of the T.V. in a large sled with a blanket.  Damn my own rules of keeping kids home for 24 hours if they have symptoms.  I guess this is one of those times that karma comes back to bite you in the butt!  :)  Periodically, I will hear her singing the Hello Kitty theme song at the top of her lungs.  Another sign of karma.  I ask myself often why we ever let her discover this show.  I guess it could be worse, it could be Justin Bieber.