Day 6- March 21, 2020

Never miss a sunset is my motto... today after reorganizing our house to give some "spaces" for people to go, Adam and I went on a ride so I could take pictures.  We barely see the sun, so I wanted to take some photos.  It makes me forget being an adult for a short time and to breathe.  I just love photography.  :)

The kids were very excited to create a "library/reading" area by the glass door.  Adam and Brad put together the shelf unit.  Brad liked it so much when he tried the area out, he fell asleep!  Too bad he missed unloading wood at Grandma's house.   We also set up a workout area in the garage so when it's a little warmer this week, we can utilize that rain or shine! 

I also finally got my essential oil station the way I wanted it!  Now everything is in one area.  My "voo-doo" oils as most people call them.  But, it has been a great way to curb anxiety before bed with the kids.  They like their oils.. I do as well.

 

Best gift of the day was finding a dime when I was looking for the deck rugs to move them to the garage.  I literally went to grab the rug and there was a dime sitting on it.  For everyone who doesn't know me as well, I have found dimes all the time since my Dad passed.  He used to tell us stories when he was alive about pennies and dimes from heaven.  We find dimes.... a lot.  And I needed a dime today.

We did our first supper "take out" order from Sckakey's in Oxford Junction.  We are going to try and support local businesses as much as we can.  We finished the day with our daily family bible study. 

Tomorrow we will decorate the house for Easter.  We had bought a bunch of stuff at Goodwill and it has been in quarantine and Lysol for the permitted time.  I'm excited to bring some "spring" to the house.  We have never owned Easter decorations.... I never realized it til this year! 

Day 5- 3/20/20

I was teaching HS choir in Bellevue 13 years ago when my water broke during a small group ensemble practice.  Literally...  I remember kids in the group grabbing a blanket off the grand piano so I could wrap myself in it!  LOL!  If you ever had any fear teaching, it is peeing your pants in front of HS students.. or worse... MS!  Little did we know that Ms. Amelia Ruley broke a hole in my amniotic fluid sack only to somehow plug it. They sent us home.....  At 2:30 am, we drove back to Dubuque and our first child was born a little after 7:00 pm. 

A COVID-19 pandemic is not really the way we thought her big teen birthday would look like, but here we are killing it like champs!  LOL.  We made terariums together.  Mia designed her own birthday cake and decorated it herself.  It took a couple hours, but she completed it!  The kitchen was a disaster, but she was in love with her creation!  We celebrated with us and Grandma Karen next door.   Mia taught her the art of snapchat.  Grandma Karen made her famous lasagna. 

We had some great video chats with Grandma Cindy who shares the same birthday!!!!  We sang and blew out the candles "together" virtually. 

We also video chatted with Uncle Matt, Aunt Bridget, Abby, Olivia, and Alex.  The kids had fun playing the games on Facebook messenger video chat.  It was nice to see all our family today. 

I found today to be a little emotional.  I have a lot of family and friends in health care.  It is unreal that the WHOLE world is being affected by this right now.  It's not supposed to be this way, but here we are.  It is not in my control, but I am thankful today for everyone who is following the guidelines, video calling, for all people working to keep food on tables, truck drivers, mail carriers, people helping people who cant leave their homes, and our healthcare people for trying to help as much as they can with minimal gear.  God bless everyone! 

Love - The Ruley’s 

Day 4: 3/19/20

It's storming outside.  Spring is here!

Today was a busy day at the Ruley Ranch.  We took our daily walk at 8:00 am this morning and enjoyed the chill in the air.  Brad was excited because the road was covered with worms!  Of course he came home filthy from touching them and Lucy (our other doodle) jumping all over him after sitting in a puddle.  But, instead of my normal annoyance with this, I just watched him run and jump in puddles and enjoy being outside.

We all took a car ride today.  Who would have ever thought 5 days ago that a car ride would be the most exciting thing my kids were looking forward to! LOL.  Usually I'm screaming at the kids to get in the car and this time, they beat me in and were buckled up and ready.  We picked up terrarium kits from Ronann's for Mia's birthday tomorrow to do as craft time, sack lunches, and boxes of books from my good friend who is a homeschooling genius!.  And yes, everyone stayed in the van, I brought hand sanitizer with me, and I bathed in at after getting back in.  Brad is the sanitizer police... he will actually bring it to you if you leave the house for anything!  Kid's going to have a complex after this is all over... I'm going to apologize in advance to his teachers next year.

Brad and Mia are both loving the Khan Academy for Disney Imagineering!  It is amazing!  I enjoyed sitting with Mom and ordering Easter basket stuff online because she cannot go to the stores.  :(  But, we will compromise to make the world better.

My favorite part of the day was taking a side-by-side ride with the family to the back 30 and playing football catch.  I took some pictures (because I needed a family distance break) and then we explored the creek valley.  It was simple yet watching Adam play with the kids was the best part of the week because I know it's stressful for him.  I am very lucky my job allows me to be home.  I am blessed and fortunate.  My other favorite part was watching Mia create her birthday cake design.  I have enough cake for like 50 people, so no judging my fat pants after the next week!  But, I want her to feel special and have creative freedom to be 13 tomorrow.  Weird enough, a week ago I don't know if I would have let her make a 2 cake boxes, multi-level, 6 color birthday cake.  But, she has a lot of time for dishes!

For any other Mom's looking for good activities, I have found that the kids journaling during breakfast and before bed after family bible study has been a chill out activity.  I also look forward to them going to bed and reading them.  I write fun notes back.  Someday...this will be a keepsake.  We are living in a time that will forever be in history for anyone old enough to remember it.  I want some of it to be happy, comforting, and them to feel loved.  And there is a lot of humor!

To all my friends and family-  Stay healthy.   We love you all!  Fear is a liar and faith is strong in our home.

King of the Tree

A little pasture football

Day 3- 3/18/20

I don't think anyone would have imagined just one week ago that we would be sitting at home for weeks waiting for a virus to stop causing panic and fear in our world.  Every day I wake up thinking maybe I'm dreaming but... nope.  Here we all are in this social distancing life.

I always look for hope in every situation.  It annoys the crap out of a lot of people, but it just makes sense to me.  Resilience is an amazing thing.  I often look at my kids and think we are creating a generation of kids right now.  They had the world on a silver platter one week ago with everything at their finger tips and in 3 days, they are living a completely different life.  No school, no social interactions.  Two weeks ago I directed our school musical with hundreds of people and 60+ kids.  Now it is silence. 

I find it interesting how quiet and distance has brought about a calm in myself.  I try to pray and make time for me on a usual day, but this was actually difficult on the first days.  Like, we can't go anywhere!  What the hell are we going to do!?  Oddly on a run with my kids today, I saw things I haven't ever observed.  In the midst of chaos, my kids were running together, doing Tic Tok dances, and singing to my phone playing music.  Mia has let Brad move into her room and made a space for his bed because he is having problems sleeping.  Two days ago, he wasn't even allowed in her room!  LOL!  Their nightly journal helps them process their thoughts and I chuckle when reading that even in all this crazy, Mia is still begging us to adopt another child.  Oh, Mia.  Right now we are going to stick with what we have unless God says otherwise.

 

Hold Me Together

I find it funny that just when you think you know it all, sometimes God puts a piece of information in front of you to remind you that you really don't have it all together without Him.  This evening, while tucking in my son to bed,  I wasn't really into it because I was still thinking about my day. I was overthinking situations, feeling sorry for myself, and trying to control what I was going to do next.  It was not a top parenting moment for me.  I know we have all been there.

As I focused in on my son's reading, he started reading about holding it all together, mortar, and bricks.  His devotional is about science and God because it keeps him reading it.  I mean, who wouldn't love a devotional that talks about the fact that King Tut's casket was glued together with animal bones and skin.  (Who knew?  LOL)  As the reading went on, it began to talk about the glue that holds cells together.  It is called laminin.  And guess what, laminin is shaped like a cross.  Yup, well played God.  I think I read this phrase a few times, stared at the picture, maybe fact checked google, and then stopped and thought very deeply.  "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together"  Colossians 1:17  That's when it hit me quite hard like a slap that I was being an idiot and thinking selfishly.  Even when I'm feeling overwhelmed with life; laminin and Jesus holds me- and all things- together.

I know sometimes the glue of faith seems to be invisible.  Who has prayed and never received an answer?  (raises hand)  Who has prayed and didn't receive what you wanted? (Raises hand)  Yeah, we've all been there.  But I have also found that sometimes God's fingerprints are often invisible until you look at them in the rear view mirror.  He is there.  He is the comfort of a friend to talk to.  He is the text checking in on you.  He is the hug from a family member.  He never left you, but you were too busy seeking to see what you wanted that you missed him there in front of your face the whole time.  (face palm moment)

Faith is invisible but foundational in the pursuit of holding it all together.  And the great thing about God is that, even when you are falling apart, He loves you anyway and is there with you.  What an amazing feeling!  I am loved, even on a day that I really am not loving myself.  I am loved on the day my hair looks like a hot mess.  I am loved on the day I mismatched my shoes in the dark.  (Yes, this happened) Just say it, I AM LOVED!  I am held together.  According to Jesus, true happiness does not come from all things that society suggests (Matthew 4:23-5:20)  Those Beatitudes in the bible have a great ring to them and hold more ground than followers on Twitter.  Jesus' motive is love and compassion.  In Matthew 9:36, the strongest for love in Greek is guts..in the bible this word was only used for Jesus in original translations. Translated it literally means "he was gutted" because his heart broke for humankind.  He was standing in front of crowds of people who were troubled, who needed help, and had nobody.  Crazily, that is me at this moment.  Sitting in my kids bed, troubled with thoughts, pouting, needing help, and feeling alone.  But guess what? Laminin and Jesus are there.  They may be invisible to the naked eye, but I know they are both holding me together today.  True happiness and peace are found in a relationship with God.  Tonight I will be remembering Psalm 4:7-8- "You have put more joy and rejoicing in my heart. In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety and confident trust."
I am held together by laminin until my physical end but eternally held by the Lord.

Amen and Goodnight.

Radiating My Authentic Purpose

A quote from Marianne Williamason

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Authenticity is something I have been reflecting and meditating on lately.  What is being authentic?  I think every human on earth wants to feel authentic, real, or genuine.  To mean what you say and say as you do.  Authenticity is the degree in our lives to which we hold true to our own personality, spirit, or character despite the external material pressures and influences.  How can you radiate your authentic purpose?

I am a person that needs time to process.  I believe that Deepak Chopra said, "To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul.  To do this you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions."  Meditation has become a huge part of my life and daily devotion time.  It has taught me the practice of stopping and enjoying small moments of thought.  It has taken a year to get to a place that I can meditate with my own thoughts and visions without guided help.  I meditated on Marianne's quote and found myself struck by a phrase that completely describes several of my current meditative thoughts.  "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

What I found interesting about this quote was the spin on inadequacy and fear.  Instead of the fear being inadequate, the fear of being a powerful light is really thought provoking.  Fear of being the light or the good is something that we all struggle with.  On a daily basis, the average person has 7000 thoughts.  How many of those thoughts become actions, and how many of those actions affect other people.  When I think about those 7000 thoughts a day, how many of those thoughts are stale, shallow, and judgmental?  

Fearing that I am powerful beyond measure is the exact unconscious pressure that has been internally propelling my self doubt for quite some time.  My power or self love as always been built on being my authentic self.  Holding true to my own personality, spirit, and character despite all the external forces that constantly try and extinguish this light.  However, somehow I let my light dim in attempting to light the fire for everyone else.  Why?  I am an intuitive empath.  Intuitive empaths are people who have an unusual capacity for sensing and understanding the feelings of others.  That is me being completely authentic!

I have never understood my ability to read and perceive people until the past year of life.  I discovered with this gift, I take on other people emotions, feelings, and that I feel them all at once.  I can read a persons aura of who they are in a small amount of time.  I get strong gut feelings about things and people before I even have conversations with them.  Sometimes, I have to leave places because I get physically sick feelings from people that I am around.  On the other hand, being able to read people has provided me with opportunities to see all aspects of a problem and meet amazing people who share similar gifts.  Sometimes over analyzing becomes my BIGGEST struggle.  I want to help everyone, but sometimes it consumes me and I have to physically stop and detach from it because it takes over my life and being.  It took a lot of time to process this gift and learn to protect myself.  It feels good to finally have a name to how I have felt my whole life and an understanding of how to help others who feel the same way.  

Manifesting and accepting the gifts that the divine creator gave us is difficult.  There is always a chance that someone out there is struggling as well and instead of supporting my authentic purpose, they will chose to attack it because of their own fear and inability to liberate themselves.  SO WHAT!  I am not inadequate just because someone doesn't agree with me or like me.  I have the power to let go of anything that doesn't serve a positive purpose in my life.  Being myself will spread the light of love to someone else and liberate them from their fears because they will know they are not alone.  I want to be a beacon of light for others.  I do not need permission from anyone to be myself.  I will shine, be fabulous, and not be embarrassed of being who I am.  

So friends, Be powerful, be authentic, be YOU!  

1,095 Days

For most people, January is just another month in the year.  For us in Iowa, it is usually full of snow, cold weather, and setting goals at New Years to remake or renew our lives.  January for me stirs emotions.   It is the month that will forever be etched in my memory as a month of loss and heartbreak.

Over the winter break, while sledding with my family, I remembered that I was doing the same thing three years ago in the exact same spot.  My Dad was in the archery shop and came out to visit with my family and my friends family while we were sledding right outside the shop door.  He made a comment to my friend and I about how long we had been friends and how everything was as it should be.  He had fun watching our families play in the snow.  Every time I sled that hill, that is my memory.  I stood in the same place, which is now right outside my kitchen door, and just reminisced that day in my mind.  

As I was driving to school this morning, it hit me that it is January.  That means it has been almost three years or 1,095 days since I last saw my Dad. Unbelievable.  Grief is an interesting emotional path.  In the beginning, it consumes you.  It breaks you down to your core and strips your soul.  I can still remember falling to my knees in the ER room next to Dad and holding his hand.  I can still clearly see the peoples faces in the room and their looks of sadness and shock.  I can still hear their voices of kind comforting words and still remember the smallest details of that day.   I lived that moment every day for a long time.  I can remember laying on my couch at night sobbing because I could not get that scene out of my head.  It was raw and shook me to my core.  People say that time 

heals pain.  I do not agree with that statement.   Our loss will never be "healed."  The gap that Dad left in our life will always be with us.  We have continued to build our lives around the space that was once filled with him.  

I recently read a quote that compared grief to the waves of an ocean.  Sometimes the waves are small and we can handle floating in them with ease.  Other times the water is calm.  But sometimes the waves are large and fast and all we can do is learn to swim.  They knock us over, they take our breath away, but we must keep swimming.   With my faith as my life-vest and my family as my arm floaties, I'm still a float in life's ocean.  I don't always see my waves coming but I know that I have learned to swim in this sea of life.